Personality that lead to success
It is better to keep yourmouth shut and have people think you are stupid
than to open your mouth andremove all doubt!
Anti-procrastination
Lara's suggestion for personal relationshipin science (3/1/99 email)
An enormous strength you have is your sense of humor. I know several
people who have met you in a social situation with some alcohol and have
claimed to be totally surprised and delighted about how funny you are.
I think this is a good way to be relaxed and meet people.
I wouldn't focus on the science right away, but focus on making a relationship.
A person who views you as a friend is much more likely to help you and
to think about your dilemma more if they actually like you (ever wonder
why LQ has such problems setting up collaborations?). So, I think
relaxing and drinking a little is a good way to make the first step...even
if you have to e-mail later to get the input you really want.
Also, there is such a large Chinese community, you should tap more into
that if possible. Here you can even share the bond of how hard it
is to come over here.
Finally, your expecting a new baby is another angle. You can talk
to people a while and this can be someplace the conversation can lead after
you get to know a person a little. People who have kids always like
to share experiences (another bonus-you can learn about this part of life,
too!). Once you get them talking, a bond can be formed and you can
steer back to science.
These are things I think most people try to do. I think it's sort
of political (forming "friendships" in the name of wanting information)
but it's nice to get to know people anyway, even if there are no returns.
This skill is one that is very important later, too.
The interaction (bar talks) is what really sparks new ideas. I
recommend just trying to talk to everyone in conversation as much as you
can (like at the meeting and at lunches with speakers and also with Ariel
and Roxanna) and I think maybe you can then take some new thoughts to LQ
and the two of you will be able to get better ideas than ever before.
Bloody lesson (email to Zhu Junon 8/4/99)
1) Know what I will do in the next day, next month, and next year.
It's a best thing to know what's my career goal. Normally I only
think about everyday work and seldom think about future. Now I realize
that plan for the future is a critical thing although it appears not an
emergency thing like a project deadline. Some wise people suggest
to divide things into emergency versus routine, important versus unimportant.
We should do a lot routine-important things and give up emergency-unimportant
things.
2) Know what if.
Plan for the failure. In my field, failure instead of success
is the main theme. Thus, it's very important for me to know what
should I do if I fail the hypothesis or the experiment - an alternative
approach or explanation or re-design the procedure. This is something
you face now - if come to US this year, do a, b, c... If not come
this year, GRE, new project, ... Make sure to know every step, then there
will be less surprise and waiting time. I sometimes anxiously wait
for an experiment results but actually wasted a lot of time and energy.
We all know worry does not help?. Now I think if I can think clear
before doing things, I will be very calm to deal with different outcome.
One red heart, two preparations ?
3) Don't be over ambitious - it will slow things down.
I was thinking to write a perfect proposal with new ideas and breakthrough
in 21st century? But I only have very limited knowledge and not-that-good
writing ability. So I was afraid to start and progressed extremely
slowly - as I was unhappy about the proposal for not winning the Nobel
Prize. From the start to now. It's almost 5 months. Other
people finish it in 2~3 months. You can see what a waste of time
for me. If I have a right attitude in the first place, the work will
be much smoother.
4) Be happy, show gratitude to life itself
It's so important to be happy every day because we are not going to
live forever. Life is precious. As my proposal was not going
well, I started to blame my boss being not helping. Feel so depressed
that I just sit there to let time go by - doing nothing. Last week,
a postdoc in my lab saved my life and my career. He told me to stop
blaming the boss or anyone else, just do what I should do, finish in time
and go on with my work and life. It's the second time a great criticism
that pull me out of the mud. I really owe him this one. After
the talk with him, I finished some paper work in one day that should take
me at least 3 days. I am so glad to get this help, sometimes it's
really hard to self-examine.
5) Be positive
In my thesis proposal, I propose a method. Then discuss the possible
problems in my methods and the solution to these problems. I have
a bad habit to put a negative sentence in the end of each paragraph to
discuss some potential problem that can not be solved. The postdoc
in my lab helps me look through it and delete every such negative sentences.
It looks MUCH BETTER.
6) Control the temper
I noticed that you had bad temper and high pressure in the past one
and half year. We know it won't help. It just makes things
worse. So let's keep a positive attitude and beat the biggest enemy
in the world - we ourselves.
I am now trying my best to refine myself to adapt to all sorts of possible
situations. It's very useful as we live in a foreign country and
will have a baby. Ying now is doing less things and I am taking over
most of family responsibilities. It's not a fun thing but I just
try to enjoy it. As my understanding, from this point of our life
(also yours), we will go through more and more difficult situations until
we are retired (or dead). So I find no other solution but relax and
try the best. Inner peace really counts to our life quality.
I know you are busy. Try to enjoy yourself once a while.
Although we are too old to waste time, enjoying life is not a waste.
7) Be friendly with your enemy - most powerful weapon in this world
I knew if you would make success, you must make good relationship with
the relative persons. I was shocked by the story that was told by
my student. He said if you desired success, you should flatter the
person who was hostile to you. The more hostile he was, the more
flattering you would give him. He told me that his father had a good
friends in the factory. They are fired at the same time and fired
at the same department in the factory. But the friend was always
reversing the man who was hostile to him. But his father was always
flattering the man who was hostile to him. Till now, his father became
the head of the factory, and the friend was still at the position as 20
years before. No stand, no succeed.
YJ's suggestion
Donāt teach other people with my lesson. It makes me look bad
and meaningless.
How to be true to yourself- integrity & self-respect (Reader's digest 8/99 p.197)
Life is like a field of newly fallen snow; where I choose to walk every
step will show.
Integrity means having a personal standard of morality and ethics that
does not sell out to expediency and that is not relative to the situation
at hand.
Integrity is an inner standard to judge your behavior.
Integrity means you do what you do because it's right and not just
fashionale or politically correct.
Stand firmly for your convictions I the face of personal pressure
Always give others credit that is rightfully theirs
If we hire people who are smaller than we are, we shall become a dwarf.
If we hire people who are bigger than we are, we will become a giant.
Be honest and open about who you really are
Be yourself. Don't cover your unpleasing past. The only
way to get self-respect is to face it.